Finally the weekend

It snowed last night. Steve-o called and told me to make sure I keep the lawn mowed.


The last couple of days I've been working out and catching up with paperwork and chores around the ranch. Boooooring.

Let me tell you about the gym I go to. It's called Aspire fitness, and its a pretty simple place, just a warehouse with weights and work out machines in it basically. And its always full of babes. Like amazing ones. And old people. Like really old ones. I have never before seen so many white haired palsied zombie-like creatures engaging in athletic pursuits. I'm fairly certain theyre all right on the edge of death and the next dumbell they lift will be their last. Since I seem to be the only one concerned about this however, I have kept my worries private. I won't however be asking one for a spot. The thing is, some of the old dudes are enormous. Its like they retired from their jobs at 65 and now spend 40 hrs a week pumping iron and eating pureed foods back at their group home. If I wasn't certain their hips would break if they were forced to move quickly, I wouldn't want to tussle with these guys. It is a strange place.

Achievification

Yesterday, Tuesday October 7th I was busy. I was awakened early by the incredible brightness of the sun. I need to buy some drapes. As I was up anyway, I decided to go with it. I had a delicious breakfast of Kix cereal while watching Junkyard wars on TV. I can't believe they still have that show out here. After breakfast I wandered down the road to check out a gym that I had noticed earlier. Since it was cheap and there were babes, I got a membership. The manager also made a point of telling me that they need a new sales rep. and that the job is easy and pays well. Being the clever young lad that I am, I applied.

After I became enormous, I went grocery shopping which put me in a foul mood. Then I ate lunch which put me in a good mood. Then I bravely battled the itis and went downtown to start applying for bartending jobs. That is the thing that is good because I did that thing. That is the thing that is bad because I got really drunk. By 330. I love microbrewed beer. I stumbled around downtown until I was sober enough to drive home. The price of this was that I now had a hangover. Back at the ranch, Jami was home from class and she went into girl mode making me some pasta. While this occured I discovered several deer had invited themselves over, and were wandering around the driveway and front lawn. Two of them were pretty well sized bucks. Since I was hungry, and neither the horses nor the dog were bothered by our uninvited guests I thought about getting out steve-o's bow. Of course this would then require cleaning and dressing the carcass, and that is a smelly and messy job. Jami refused to help. I stuck to pasta.

I also got a call that day saying that I got the rock climbing job and I start Saturday. As long as I pass my drug and background check. I'm worried about the background check, anyone who discovers I'm associated with you people probably wont want to hire me. So thank you.

Notes: You will be pleased to know I bought a disposable camera. I will take pictures of the ranch now. And other things. Eventually.

The radio stations out here are mostly independent and they actually play music. Into it.

This weekend there's a big indie film festival in Bend. Maybe I will watch a film or two.

Day whatever: I am the slimmest

I had big plans for these past couple of days. Calendar marked, notes on the memo kind of plans. Instead I got into a groove writing and I've barely left my fortress of solitude. While this is good for my grand nerd novel experiment, it is bad for my social life/job search/sanity. I did go back to the gym though. I have grown strong. How does one become stronger on a diet of beer and loneliness? If one starves because they dislike cooking, is that an epic death?

I guess I'll call it a hunger strike so it seems honorable.

Note: I promise I'll find a camera soon because all you illiterates are clamoring for pictures.

Day 13: More Fortress of Solitude

Saturday, October 4th. I ate a Whopper with fries and unsweetened iced tea. The fries were cold.

Day 12: The most beautiful woman in the world

Friday, October 3rd. I got stood up. Not in the cliche pitiful movie way where I go to a restaurant and get a table for two and order a glass of wine and an appetizer and then sit there looking lost until closing time, but I was stood up none the less. I had plans to go downtown with Jami, and then the young lady I had met at Reed Pub would give me a call, we'd meet up, we'd drink, we'd dance, we'd laugh, and I would seduce her and her german roomate and all would be well in the world.

Jami and I did go downtown, date girl just never called. So I wandered around to various bars making 20 minute friends and drinking heavily of the distilled spirits. Around midnight Jami and I went to Starz so she could pick up her paycheck and I could ogle the lady parts. Jami introduced me to everyone that I hadn't met yet, and they all were so very friendly. The strippers even said I was handsome. Not to me, that would have just meant that my wallet looked handsome to them. They told Jami, and she told me after the fact. So great. I've impressed strippers with my charm and rugged good looks.

The night wasn't a total loss however. In Starz I met my soul mate and the most beautiful woman in the world. Its the same person. Her name is Mindy, and she is a waittress. I want to marry her in marrying house and give her my babies. You're all invited to the wedding. I assume the bachelor party would be at Starz, but then what if she is working that night. Would that be weird?

Day 11: day 11

I drove into the desert at sunset.
On the radio, a haunting cover of Black Sabbath's War Pigs turned my thoughts. Rage came. The sky is different here. No colors. Behind me, night crept. Before me the day died quietly, the last strip of light slowly fading from blue into gray between a gauntlet of distant mountain peaks and cloud silhouettes. darkness nestled close, until even the stunted pines beside me were almost gone from view. Almost. It was the stars. Out where there are no electric lights, no towering trees, and no terrain to obscure your view the stars make themselves known. At home in Connecticut they are there for you if you look for them. Here they grow bold, grab you by the short hairs, and scream in your facebones "Ohh hello. How nice to see you again. Yeah, we're still here. We're not going anywhere. But you are, aren't you? yeah, you'll die soon. Loser. We'll still be here long after you've been forgotten won't we fellows?" And of course the others will agree, they always do. Stupid snooty stars.

On my way home I bought a lot of booze.

Day 10: Studying

Today I ate only orange colored foods.