Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Adventurous Maximus

I'll admit it. I'm in Jackson, Wyoming right now. Last night after work I had a sit down with Minitruck II, and she said she was up for it, so I started the 11 hour drive.
Note: There's nothing creepier than driving through the high desert and Oregon mountains in the middle of the night, alone, in a thick fog. I didn't like that.

What I did like, was getting to Boise, Idaho around 3am and parking at a highway rest-stop and sleeping in the back of my truck for a few hours. Surprisingly comfortable. And Comforting. I woke up by 6am and rocked the drive through Idaho down I-84/I-86/I-15/rt-26/rt-31/rt-33/rt-22 into Jackson Hole. You know you're in Idaho when the billboards read simply "buy hashbrowns" and "potato museum next exit". Coming into Wyoming was pretty haggard moving through the mountain pass, but it was totally worth it when I got into jackson hole and met with bry and kennedy and ali and kyle and jordan in the bar at the grand teton village resort. They didn't know I was coming. They were pleasantly surprised. gotta go play now, catch up later, lovechu

Friday, February 20, 2009

The 467/469 experience

Someday when I write my memoirs, what happened at UCONN will be a major part of them, and what happened sophmore year in the Charter Oak Suites with living with 5 of my best friends will be a huge part of that. Mostly because we usually did silly things like this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC1EhLvJ4LI

Thursday, February 19, 2009

On hygiene


This is a travel sized bottle of Johnson's baby shampoo. It is small. It is the no more tears formula. The day I moved out here, back in september, I bought a bottle just like this at a gas station. It is the only shampoo I have used in the past 6 months. I still have a little left.
My hair looks great.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Kharma

Good things.
1- I begin working full time at Harley Davidson March 3rd. My work week is 9-6, tuesday-saturday.
2- I switched my climbing gym schedule to just sunday and monday, so I can keep both jobs.
3- I'm moving into bro-house downtown March 1st. It's cheaper and more convenient than Fortress of Solitude, and there will be less drama than dramahouse (0bviously), but its in the same neighborhood as dramahouse, so we can visit each other.
4- One of the benefits of working at Harley is I can borrow any of the rental bikes whenever I feel like it. For free. I also get paid to put miles on brand new bikes.
5- I finished Part 2 of the Nerd Novel, and am now moving into part 3.
6- I read the art of war, so now i'm even more devious.
7- Today while I was checking the mail, three navy f-16 fighter planes buzzed the fortress, circled around in the desert and buzzed me again closer. It was awesome and I popped a mega-huge boner.
8- I look great.


I've got to make some dinner and then head to work (climbing). Trevor and I switched up some routes and holds and created some new problems i'm looking forward to attempting. After my shift i'm heading to Drew's for some beerpong and maybe going downtown for some show at some divebar. I just don't know.
I love you.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

On bad meat

Afflicted with a powerful case of the itis last night, I was unable to summon the motivation and discipline necessary to cook a dinnertime treat, so I took a chance on some burgers I found in the back of the fridge. I did not bother to do the arithmetic required to find how old they actually were, instead placing my trust in the Gods to protect my innocent belly from the depredations of dangerous germies and bacterium.

The Gods forsook me. In the middle of the night I awoke, a sweaty dizzy mess, and promptly began projectile vomiting off the side of my bed. Luckily there is a garbage can there, or else I would have been forced to call my mommy to fly out and clean up my carpet for me. After my oral purge ended I stumbled to the bathroom, where I proceeded to poop everywheres. At no time during these occurences was I upset. I had clearly brought this upon myself.

The meat hadn't even tasted quite right, but since it didnt taste terrible I completed my feasting. The truth is, had it tasted terrible, I still would have completed my feasting, but I probably would have slept in the bathroom afterwards, in anticipation of the forthcoming explosive expulsions. You live and learn I always say.


On a completely unrelated note, during the day yesterday I drove past a hilariously crappy station wagon. Its coloration was a mixture of aquamarine and rust, and one window was broken out and crudely covered by a garbage bag and duct tape. On the remnants of the rear bumper there was a sticker. It read "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure is in heaven"

Man, are they going to be pissed.

Friday, February 6, 2009

2009 Goals

I have compiled here a list of goals. Important things that I MUST do before the end of 2009. If I fail... the consequences will be dire. Specifically, if I fail to complete any number of the following goals in the time allotted Slim Shadage and I will embark upon our great swim. (As you know, our chosen method of self induced death is to go down to the atlantic ocean and simply begin swimming) Many people set goals for themselves, and then fail to complete them and are able to live with the gnawing guilt. I am not most people. If I fail I am willing both to die and to force one of my best friends to die. That is determination.

2009 life goals.

1. Publish my first nerd novel
2. Produce a full length feature film
- incorporate countless stunts
3. Produce a pilot for a television show
4. Buy two new motorcycles (stunt one of them)
5. Skydive alone
6. Get a job I don't hate (that pays well) (I like my garbage jobs now) (but i'm poor)
7. Save money for the bar/ brew my first delicious beer
8. Do standup
9. Do a demolition derby
10. Convince my boys to DO WHAT THEY WANT

That is it for now. There are other things I wish to do, but i'm not willing to kill myself for not doing them this year.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

On Long Hair

Everybody here has it. Long hair. Guys and girls, grown men, little boys. Everybody. Which confuses me greatly because haircuts here are a sinfully pleasant experience. For 12 dollars you get coffee and cookies, a handsome trim, a close shave with a straight edge razor and warm lather, a warm towel on your neck, and a head massage with some sort of silk oil afterwards. All this while a buxom lass is pressing her boobies against your back, arms and chest while she works.

Cut and shave. Boobs. head massage. 12 dollars. Amazing.

In Connecticut I was paying a one-eyed balding man with thick forearms twenty dollars to hack at my scalp with rusty sheep shears, and yet everyone back there maintains a much cleaner hairstyle. Why?

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Superbrawl Weekend

It all began on the dim, dated, undoutably misty, nearly mythological 31st of January, 2009. It was the thing that began. The thing that began was the weekend. I don't exactly remember what I did on friday, besides work, so I assume it was nothing special. If you, the reader, were with me on this day, and it was indeed spectacular then please forgive me for my lapse in memory.

On Saturday I had work in the morning, which was enjoyably busy, and then I went home and wrestled for a short period with CH.10 of the Nerd Novel, which as you well know has been frustratingly difficult to finish. (If you did not know that, now you do. And you should pay better attention, shame on you) In the evening I went over to Trevor's place in town for some competitive drinking and jam music sessioning and standing around a small, uncontrolled fire in the backyard while his friend Nathan vomited all over it. Pretty enjoyable.

Sunday morning I again had work until noon, and then napped for a little before the Super Bowl festivities began. Not being a fan of the Cardinals or the Steelers (are anyone?) I was more focused on fun than football watching, so I went to my buddy Drew's house (note: a potential third housing option, rather than fortress of solitude, or Drama/babe house) for some pool and beer pong and eating various grilled meats, and bro-ing out. At halftime I ran downtown to the bar to meet with the drama/babe house girls who looked delicious as usual, and as usual bored me withing 13 seconds of interacting with them. Returning to Drew's place for the rest of the game we played a massive 42 cup beer pong tournament late into the evening. After gorging myself on broken tortilla chips and guacamole dip I returned to the fortress of solitude, where I enjoyed a massive vomit fest in the bathroom. Pretty enjoyable.

Monday I lurked on the couch all day, fighting once again with Ch. 10 and somehow snapping the large tendon on the top of my right big toe like a cheddar cheese baked snack cracker in the mouth of that freak Jaws from the old James Bond movie. Unenjoyable.