Zombies

If zombies were real, the east coast would be way more screwed than us here. I'm just saying. Unless of course they orginated from somewhere in asia, like most horrible terror infections. Then I suppose California would be doomed. But lets face it, Cali is doomed anyway. Oregon though, I have a good feeling about Oregon. Relative isolation, tall mountains, lots of guns. Yeah. Fear of zombies doesn't keep me up at night. You on the east coast though...maybe you should start thinking about it. Better to be safe than the rotting undead I always say.

Zombies definitely got the short end of the stick in the undead lottery. They smell weird. They aren't sexy. To most people. They maintain a community college education at best. I guess it would be liberating to not have to think about things ever. Like how to survive zombie assaults. Even so, no thank you my ravenous shambling friend.

Vampires though, they're doing alright. They get to dress up nice, party all night and seduce the unwary. I've known a few people like that, they were always a fun time. I think I would miss the sunshine though, if only because i've always been an aficionado of bikini clad beach babes. Plus what if a vampire caught herpes or Hep V (a virulent vampire infection)? An eternity of shame and embarassment? nahh. You can keep your bat rabies vampirism.

So who wins this monstrous showdown? I submit, and feel free to disagree, that werewolves are the most kick ass. Though technically not undead like the zombie or the dracula, they still fit into that illustrious horror niche. They get to hang out in the sunshine, although they might want to think about a heavy waxing regime prior to hitting the beach. They get super human strength and longevity. And once in a while they have a free ticket to flip out and tear shit up with no regard to manners or self restraint. Not since the Irish invented beer in 1927 has man known such freedom. So if some crazy wolf beast decides to nibble on my tender manskins, I probably wouldn't be too put out. I'm just saying.