Minitruck III

My new cat makes me want to curb stomp bambi. Marissa Kay works at the humane society animal shelter, so it was only a matter of time before she broke down and brought some of the chinese restaurant surplus home. I've got to hand it to her, she did last almost 5 months. Her explanation to me for why we NEEDED this cat was something along the lines of "He's been at the shelter as long as I have, and he hates everybody and is so unpleasant nobody would ever adopt him, but I have a special bond with him!"

My response was of course "Baby girl, you had me at -he hates everybody." What self respecting American male doesn't want a large, mangy, ancient, preferably one-eyed Tom cat wandering around his property periodically killing racoons, coyotes, and small children? I sure did.

UNFORTUNATELY Marissa Kay is a liar. The damn cat is young, healthy, well-groomed and worst of all super friendly. Like all creatures great and small, he instantly realized that I disliked him, and consequently decided that I was his new best friend. The beast follows me around the house, and refuses to sleep anywhere except lying on my face. Throughout the night he keeps everyone awake by wandering the house purring at a volume somewhere between jet fighter take off and marilyn manson concert. As we speak he's perched on my shoulder like a retarded hairy parrot. He steals my food and stinks up the house. He rubs his poopy butt all over my things. He rubs his poopy butt all over me. He flings kitty litter everywhere when he takes a dump, which he does with alarming frequency. Note: His pooties smell BAD, and he farts LOUD.

The hell beasts' only redeeming quality is that I named him Minitruck III. Even though his name is already Fargo. I pray that a Condor bird swoops into our dining room and takes him away to his rocky eyrie to chew up and regurgitate.

PS I'm on vacation and i'm going to CT soon!
PPS I'm finally done w/CH19 of Nerd Novel.
PPPS I'm fairly certain my halloween costume is going to get me arrested. Just so you know.