who's laughing now?

I bought a couch today! It's HIDEOUS!

I've been so busy recently, rocking 12 hr shifts at work, visiting CT, hammering out pages of nerd novel that I've been neglecting my own basic needs. Today I made the effort to change that. In recent weeks, I've been enjoying my cartoon watching from a folding beach chair, having lost my beloved futon under questionable circumstances.

I know what you were all saying, laughing behind my back. You thought you were soooooo superior, with your "furniture" and your "comfort" and "basic human necessities". Well who is laughing now friend!? WHO!?

I'll tell you who. It's me. I am the one who is laughing. From my couch. With red flowers and green diamonds. That might just be because I febreezed it so heavily that I assume I'm doing long term brain damage however.

My quest for comfort began this morning on the interweb. Craigslist mostly. One must always research and prepare before embarking upon a life changing journey. Lets be honest however, my craigslist search culminated in me looking at hilarious photos involving orangutans. Most of my internet searches end this way.

Feeling myself thoroughly prepped for departure I left the fortress of discomfort, made a pit stop at the gym to become titanic in stature, and then stopped by BMC to consult the locals. They reported to me a potential couch sighting at a place called Pickit liquidations. Ohh friend I tell you, if you ever visit central oregon, put this location on your must see list. It was Amaaaazing. I felt like Gonzalo Ximenes de Quesada finding the mythical El Dorado. Instead of a city of gold however, I located a barn full of crap. The exterior of the place looks like a junkyard, I actually drove by it before realizing that was where I wanted to be. There is barely room to park in the parking lot it is overflowing with so much glorious junk. The interior is even more packed, with spidery alleys between looming stacks of guff. There is little system of organization, just all sorts of interesting gizmos and doodads. This is the type of place that keeps people like the mythbusters going, I guarantee it has every single thing you could ever possibly be looking for. You just probably wont be able to find it. I tell you, I had a hard time focusing on my original needs. Were I a weaker willed individual, I might still be lurking in that maze of rubbish, glassy eyed and smiling. I did end up finding a couple of couchs and chairs, but they had a look that said if you sit on me, I guarantee you'll end up with crabs. I regretfully tore myself away.

Serendipitously Steve-o called me at that moment, and after hearing my dilemma told me of a thrift store he knew about. With adventure in my heart and courage in my veins I made the trip across town. I located the store with ease, walked in and BAM! Fell in love. There she was sitting all sexy, showing a little leg, facing away so I knew she was a tease. At 7 feet tall, she was a little longer than I was planning on, but you know me, i'm an adapter. She looked young, probably born in the 90's, but in this state its anything goes. I took a closer look. Hilariously ugly pattern? check. Clean looking? check. Big enough to sleep on? check. Good like-new shape? check. Cheap? Check. I was intruiged. But then I noticed one last detail. Be still my heart. It had a hide-a-bed. The rascally fluzie, she'd won. I bought her.

Getting her up into my fortress almost killed me, and might have done permanent damage to Jami Lee, but at least I have a couch now. I just can't decide what to do with it first. Should I sit on it? should I lie down? should I put a thing on it? or just watch it from afar? The dance has begun.