Friday, March 6, 2009
no title
Big Mac hamburgers are 2 for 3 dollars the retail girls call me the "cabana boy" I drove a forklift into the garage door I got to ride a buell 1125r my elbow hurts real bad I'm teaching Drew some guitar talk about the blind leading the blind I found a pass to Mt. Bachelor progress is slow on nerd novel my left eyeball itches
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Farewell Fortress of Solitude
I did it. I moved into town. No longer will I be able to accurately call myself a desert hermit, as I am now a townie in all respects. My new house has a fenced in back yard with a shed and a trampoline and a dog. The dog's name is Hank, and he has an interesting hobby of forcefully collecting blankets and rugs from around the house, which he then hoards jealously in what can only be called a harem, as he is seldom seen trotting from room to room without one clamped victoriously in his jaws, which he will periodically stop and hump enthusiastically. As I was moving myself in today he sauntered into my room, undoubtably in search of new girlfriends of the quilted variety, and disappointed with my available selection of threadbare rags he began circling my legs with one of his current flings clamped securely in his teeth and trailing behind him, where it wrapped around my ankles in a constrictive entanglement, as if he were threatening me to do better next time with my choice of thread-count and overall blanket humpability.
My new room is hilarious, having obviously been the lair of the previous owner's son before they moved out, as it has a flannel patterned wall paper and cowboy themed border. I think I will keep it up, as it will undoubtably throw any lucky young lady I happen to bring home into a lusty abandon. At the moment my furniture consists of a metal shelf in the closet and a standing floor lamp which might work if it had lightbulbs. Tomorrow I hope to add a bed or other slumber device alongside a small dresser in which my underwears and other unmentionables may reside.
At the moment I am virtually alone in the house, as my two new roomates Drew and Nick were asleep by 8:30pm. I did not anticipate that.
Nor did I anticipate the fact that the house does not have cable TV. Surely it is the only house in America to actually have had to act upon the plethora of commercials warning viewers of the switch from an analog signal to all digital broadcast television, as everyone else recieved a cable or satellite subscription some time in the mid-90's. It is with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to the Sunday night line up on MTV, adult swim on cartoon network, and all the other stellar programming available on cable television. Surely I shall miss watching underdressed skanks with obscenely fake breasts competing to see who can be the first to snort a line of coke off of Brett Michaels wiener.
As I have only just begun recuperating from my marathon drive home from Jackson, Wyoming; and I have a lot to do tomorrow before climbing work at 5pm, I bid you adieu America. Especially because I begin my Harley Davidson employment tuesday morning. We shall meet again.
My new room is hilarious, having obviously been the lair of the previous owner's son before they moved out, as it has a flannel patterned wall paper and cowboy themed border. I think I will keep it up, as it will undoubtably throw any lucky young lady I happen to bring home into a lusty abandon. At the moment my furniture consists of a metal shelf in the closet and a standing floor lamp which might work if it had lightbulbs. Tomorrow I hope to add a bed or other slumber device alongside a small dresser in which my underwears and other unmentionables may reside.
At the moment I am virtually alone in the house, as my two new roomates Drew and Nick were asleep by 8:30pm. I did not anticipate that.
Nor did I anticipate the fact that the house does not have cable TV. Surely it is the only house in America to actually have had to act upon the plethora of commercials warning viewers of the switch from an analog signal to all digital broadcast television, as everyone else recieved a cable or satellite subscription some time in the mid-90's. It is with a heavy heart that I bid farewell to the Sunday night line up on MTV, adult swim on cartoon network, and all the other stellar programming available on cable television. Surely I shall miss watching underdressed skanks with obscenely fake breasts competing to see who can be the first to snort a line of coke off of Brett Michaels wiener.
As I have only just begun recuperating from my marathon drive home from Jackson, Wyoming; and I have a lot to do tomorrow before climbing work at 5pm, I bid you adieu America. Especially because I begin my Harley Davidson employment tuesday morning. We shall meet again.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Adventurous Maximus
I'll admit it. I'm in Jackson, Wyoming right now. Last night after work I had a sit down with Minitruck II, and she said she was up for it, so I started the 11 hour drive.
Note: There's nothing creepier than driving through the high desert and Oregon mountains in the middle of the night, alone, in a thick fog. I didn't like that.
What I did like, was getting to Boise, Idaho around 3am and parking at a highway rest-stop and sleeping in the back of my truck for a few hours. Surprisingly comfortable. And Comforting. I woke up by 6am and rocked the drive through Idaho down I-84/I-86/I-15/rt-26/rt-31/rt-33/rt-22 into Jackson Hole. You know you're in Idaho when the billboards read simply "buy hashbrowns" and "potato museum next exit". Coming into Wyoming was pretty haggard moving through the mountain pass, but it was totally worth it when I got into jackson hole and met with bry and kennedy and ali and kyle and jordan in the bar at the grand teton village resort. They didn't know I was coming. They were pleasantly surprised. gotta go play now, catch up later, lovechu
Note: There's nothing creepier than driving through the high desert and Oregon mountains in the middle of the night, alone, in a thick fog. I didn't like that.
What I did like, was getting to Boise, Idaho around 3am and parking at a highway rest-stop and sleeping in the back of my truck for a few hours. Surprisingly comfortable. And Comforting. I woke up by 6am and rocked the drive through Idaho down I-84/I-86/I-15/rt-26/rt-31/rt-33/rt-22 into Jackson Hole. You know you're in Idaho when the billboards read simply "buy hashbrowns" and "potato museum next exit". Coming into Wyoming was pretty haggard moving through the mountain pass, but it was totally worth it when I got into jackson hole and met with bry and kennedy and ali and kyle and jordan in the bar at the grand teton village resort. They didn't know I was coming. They were pleasantly surprised. gotta go play now, catch up later, lovechu
Friday, February 20, 2009
The 467/469 experience
Someday when I write my memoirs, what happened at UCONN will be a major part of them, and what happened sophmore year in the Charter Oak Suites with living with 5 of my best friends will be a huge part of that. Mostly because we usually did silly things like this- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC1EhLvJ4LI
Thursday, February 19, 2009
On hygiene
This is a travel sized bottle of Johnson's baby shampoo. It is small. It is the no more tears formula. The day I moved out here, back in september, I bought a bottle just like this at a gas station. It is the only shampoo I have used in the past 6 months. I still have a little left.
My hair looks great.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Kharma
Good things.
1- I begin working full time at Harley Davidson March 3rd. My work week is 9-6, tuesday-saturday.
2- I switched my climbing gym schedule to just sunday and monday, so I can keep both jobs.
3- I'm moving into bro-house downtown March 1st. It's cheaper and more convenient than Fortress of Solitude, and there will be less drama than dramahouse (0bviously), but its in the same neighborhood as dramahouse, so we can visit each other.
4- One of the benefits of working at Harley is I can borrow any of the rental bikes whenever I feel like it. For free. I also get paid to put miles on brand new bikes.
5- I finished Part 2 of the Nerd Novel, and am now moving into part 3.
6- I read the art of war, so now i'm even more devious.
7- Today while I was checking the mail, three navy f-16 fighter planes buzzed the fortress, circled around in the desert and buzzed me again closer. It was awesome and I popped a mega-huge boner.
8- I look great.
I've got to make some dinner and then head to work (climbing). Trevor and I switched up some routes and holds and created some new problems i'm looking forward to attempting. After my shift i'm heading to Drew's for some beerpong and maybe going downtown for some show at some divebar. I just don't know.
I love you.
1- I begin working full time at Harley Davidson March 3rd. My work week is 9-6, tuesday-saturday.
2- I switched my climbing gym schedule to just sunday and monday, so I can keep both jobs.
3- I'm moving into bro-house downtown March 1st. It's cheaper and more convenient than Fortress of Solitude, and there will be less drama than dramahouse (0bviously), but its in the same neighborhood as dramahouse, so we can visit each other.
4- One of the benefits of working at Harley is I can borrow any of the rental bikes whenever I feel like it. For free. I also get paid to put miles on brand new bikes.
5- I finished Part 2 of the Nerd Novel, and am now moving into part 3.
6- I read the art of war, so now i'm even more devious.
7- Today while I was checking the mail, three navy f-16 fighter planes buzzed the fortress, circled around in the desert and buzzed me again closer. It was awesome and I popped a mega-huge boner.
8- I look great.
I've got to make some dinner and then head to work (climbing). Trevor and I switched up some routes and holds and created some new problems i'm looking forward to attempting. After my shift i'm heading to Drew's for some beerpong and maybe going downtown for some show at some divebar. I just don't know.
I love you.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
On bad meat
Afflicted with a powerful case of the itis last night, I was unable to summon the motivation and discipline necessary to cook a dinnertime treat, so I took a chance on some burgers I found in the back of the fridge. I did not bother to do the arithmetic required to find how old they actually were, instead placing my trust in the Gods to protect my innocent belly from the depredations of dangerous germies and bacterium.
The Gods forsook me. In the middle of the night I awoke, a sweaty dizzy mess, and promptly began projectile vomiting off the side of my bed. Luckily there is a garbage can there, or else I would have been forced to call my mommy to fly out and clean up my carpet for me. After my oral purge ended I stumbled to the bathroom, where I proceeded to poop everywheres. At no time during these occurences was I upset. I had clearly brought this upon myself.
The meat hadn't even tasted quite right, but since it didnt taste terrible I completed my feasting. The truth is, had it tasted terrible, I still would have completed my feasting, but I probably would have slept in the bathroom afterwards, in anticipation of the forthcoming explosive expulsions. You live and learn I always say.
On a completely unrelated note, during the day yesterday I drove past a hilariously crappy station wagon. Its coloration was a mixture of aquamarine and rust, and one window was broken out and crudely covered by a garbage bag and duct tape. On the remnants of the rear bumper there was a sticker. It read "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure is in heaven"
Man, are they going to be pissed.
The Gods forsook me. In the middle of the night I awoke, a sweaty dizzy mess, and promptly began projectile vomiting off the side of my bed. Luckily there is a garbage can there, or else I would have been forced to call my mommy to fly out and clean up my carpet for me. After my oral purge ended I stumbled to the bathroom, where I proceeded to poop everywheres. At no time during these occurences was I upset. I had clearly brought this upon myself.
The meat hadn't even tasted quite right, but since it didnt taste terrible I completed my feasting. The truth is, had it tasted terrible, I still would have completed my feasting, but I probably would have slept in the bathroom afterwards, in anticipation of the forthcoming explosive expulsions. You live and learn I always say.
On a completely unrelated note, during the day yesterday I drove past a hilariously crappy station wagon. Its coloration was a mixture of aquamarine and rust, and one window was broken out and crudely covered by a garbage bag and duct tape. On the remnants of the rear bumper there was a sticker. It read "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure is in heaven"
Man, are they going to be pissed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
